This can't be real ..

She does not exist.
You are not with her.

I wish things didn't hurt my heart so much these days ..

It's all killing me.

But regardless of the "now" ,
I still have a hope that we'll be together soon.

If not , I will have to move on.
I absolutely hate that.

I can't even find the words to describe how broken I am anymore ..
I just want this to all get better.

-say goodbye to love. it's most likely not real ..

What's it like to feel whole ?

If you go over seas , I'll have to wait three years til I have a chance at being with you.
I'll do it. I'll wait til I'm 99 , I just want you <3


But if you stay in the states , we have a possibilty of fixing all of this.
Of all the things I could pray for right now ..

Dear God ,
Please let them station him somewhere in the 50's.
I need him. My heart doesn't want to let him go.
Everyone acts like it's so easy to just forget ..
They're wrong. So please bring him back to me <3
If I never have anything else but , I surely will be content :,)

-amen <3.

Can you believe it ?

This is the first happy post I'll have on this blog :)
I dunno if it'll last , but I'll do my best to keep ahold of this happy that I've found.

ANYWAYS.

They aren't serious.
Oh but of course (;

All the things he's ever said to me ,
There's no way he'll just move on and be with someone else.
No , never <3.

I can't see why I gave up for a sec there ?
I have so much faith in this working out.

-I always have (:

For always , forever darling.

I'm still doing my best just to get by.
I still wake up to heartache ,
Just to fall asleep to it at night.
I wake up hurting. I don't ever know what to do with myself.
So I busy myself. Whether it's with pointless tv or getting ready for my day.
I work my hardest all day to stay busy.
My main goal for these days of heartache ;
Tire myself. Wear myself out.
So that when it's time to go to sleep at night ,
Maybe I won't have to cry so many tears just to get to sleep.
It never works. I always miss you. I can never stay busy enough.
I always end up , crying my broken heart to sleep.
Sometimes I'm so tired of it.
Of hurting , of crying.
And I feel like I've cried all the tears I can.
I think to myself , "I've cried oceans. There's no way there's any tears left."
Them something happens.
A memory rushes back , something reminds me of you ...
Well then it's all over.
The tears come & they don't stop.
Sometimes I feel like those little salty kisses will make me feel a little better.
But that's next to impossible.
I will never be okay with this.
At least not for a very long time.
It breaks my heart that you only took a couple weeks to move on.

-I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
It's quite obvious to everyone that I'm doing my best to keep this love that I found.
I hate to feel like you're slipping away ..

Emily Grace Palmer.

As soon as I awake ,
The heartache begins.
I feel all this emptiness ,
To no end.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing better
And in all reality ..
I KNOW ITS A LIE.

I'll never be okay with this.
Knowing that ,
Just makes this all worse on my heart.

In ten years or so ,
We planned on being married ,
Living together ,
And having a beautiful daughter.

Emily Grace Palmer. <3

I want her to exist.
I want to live with you.
I want to be your wife.
I want this all to be okay.
I want to feel love again.
I want to remember what happiness is like.
I want to smile &
I want to laugh again.

I WANT THIS ALL --> with you.

-I want you to be mine again.
Please ? I'm begging you ..

How much longer can this go on.

I never knew so much heartache even existed.

It's gotten to where as soon as I awake in the morning ,
I feel the pain.

It's hard on me.
More than you'll ever know.

Who the hell are you to break my heart ?

I can pretend I'm mad ,
And while I somewhat am ,
I can't really hate you.

No , not never <3

I need to get through this ,
I don't know how I can though.

Some days are harder than others.
WHY ?
Because I'm so damn hopeful ,
That this will all turn around & get better <3

The memories have gotten too loud.

Admit it.
We were both at fault.

Why can't you just accept this
And claim me as yours again <3

You know I love you more than all the stars in the sky
You know I'll always love you past tomorrow.
My love for you is never ending.

I feel like maybe I should be furious.
You're kind of putting ALL the blame on me.

It's. Not. Fair.

But the sadness of it all ,
Is my submissiveness towards it all.

None of that bad matters.
All of this can be forgiven.

WHY WONT YOU REALIZE THAT.

-just think of coming home to me at the end of the day.
and after you've thought about it ,
please let me know.

I'm dieing here , ya know :/