This can't be real ..

She does not exist.
You are not with her.

I wish things didn't hurt my heart so much these days ..

It's all killing me.

But regardless of the "now" ,
I still have a hope that we'll be together soon.

If not , I will have to move on.
I absolutely hate that.

I can't even find the words to describe how broken I am anymore ..
I just want this to all get better.

-say goodbye to love. it's most likely not real ..

What's it like to feel whole ?

If you go over seas , I'll have to wait three years til I have a chance at being with you.
I'll do it. I'll wait til I'm 99 , I just want you <3


But if you stay in the states , we have a possibilty of fixing all of this.
Of all the things I could pray for right now ..

Dear God ,
Please let them station him somewhere in the 50's.
I need him. My heart doesn't want to let him go.
Everyone acts like it's so easy to just forget ..
They're wrong. So please bring him back to me <3
If I never have anything else but , I surely will be content :,)

-amen <3.

Can you believe it ?

This is the first happy post I'll have on this blog :)
I dunno if it'll last , but I'll do my best to keep ahold of this happy that I've found.

ANYWAYS.

They aren't serious.
Oh but of course (;

All the things he's ever said to me ,
There's no way he'll just move on and be with someone else.
No , never <3.

I can't see why I gave up for a sec there ?
I have so much faith in this working out.

-I always have (:

For always , forever darling.

I'm still doing my best just to get by.
I still wake up to heartache ,
Just to fall asleep to it at night.
I wake up hurting. I don't ever know what to do with myself.
So I busy myself. Whether it's with pointless tv or getting ready for my day.
I work my hardest all day to stay busy.
My main goal for these days of heartache ;
Tire myself. Wear myself out.
So that when it's time to go to sleep at night ,
Maybe I won't have to cry so many tears just to get to sleep.
It never works. I always miss you. I can never stay busy enough.
I always end up , crying my broken heart to sleep.
Sometimes I'm so tired of it.
Of hurting , of crying.
And I feel like I've cried all the tears I can.
I think to myself , "I've cried oceans. There's no way there's any tears left."
Them something happens.
A memory rushes back , something reminds me of you ...
Well then it's all over.
The tears come & they don't stop.
Sometimes I feel like those little salty kisses will make me feel a little better.
But that's next to impossible.
I will never be okay with this.
At least not for a very long time.
It breaks my heart that you only took a couple weeks to move on.

-I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
It's quite obvious to everyone that I'm doing my best to keep this love that I found.
I hate to feel like you're slipping away ..

Emily Grace Palmer.

As soon as I awake ,
The heartache begins.
I feel all this emptiness ,
To no end.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing better
And in all reality ..
I KNOW ITS A LIE.

I'll never be okay with this.
Knowing that ,
Just makes this all worse on my heart.

In ten years or so ,
We planned on being married ,
Living together ,
And having a beautiful daughter.

Emily Grace Palmer. <3

I want her to exist.
I want to live with you.
I want to be your wife.
I want this all to be okay.
I want to feel love again.
I want to remember what happiness is like.
I want to smile &
I want to laugh again.

I WANT THIS ALL --> with you.

-I want you to be mine again.
Please ? I'm begging you ..

How much longer can this go on.

I never knew so much heartache even existed.

It's gotten to where as soon as I awake in the morning ,
I feel the pain.

It's hard on me.
More than you'll ever know.

Who the hell are you to break my heart ?

I can pretend I'm mad ,
And while I somewhat am ,
I can't really hate you.

No , not never <3

I need to get through this ,
I don't know how I can though.

Some days are harder than others.
WHY ?
Because I'm so damn hopeful ,
That this will all turn around & get better <3

The memories have gotten too loud.

Admit it.
We were both at fault.

Why can't you just accept this
And claim me as yours again <3

You know I love you more than all the stars in the sky
You know I'll always love you past tomorrow.
My love for you is never ending.

I feel like maybe I should be furious.
You're kind of putting ALL the blame on me.

It's. Not. Fair.

But the sadness of it all ,
Is my submissiveness towards it all.

None of that bad matters.
All of this can be forgiven.

WHY WONT YOU REALIZE THAT.

-just think of coming home to me at the end of the day.
and after you've thought about it ,
please let me know.

I'm dieing here , ya know :/

I've just been wondering ..

What goes through your mind ?
Do you sincerely think this is only my fault ?
We've both done things wrong.
There's always been forgiveness.
But it seems like you're going to put this all on me
And hold it against me forever.

I
Don't
Understand.

Why if you have love ,
Would you just give it up ?

I think that if nothing else will go right ,
I still want this to.

I love you so much.

But I'm tired.
Broken.
Confused.

I feel like while I'm running after you
And while I'm begging,
It'll never be enough for you.

I wish I knew if I was a good person.

Because while I know I'll never deserve you ,
I wonder if I deserve someone better.

Maybe there's someone that will actually want to be with me.

I won't have to beg.
I won't have to plead.

Love never comes easily ,
There's so many struggles.
But this is going to kill me.

I know I was wrong ,
I've apologized
And even begged for a second chance.
But I know it's all over for us.

-nothing could ever kill me so harshly.
I've lost your love ,
And I'll never be the same.

I'll never forgive you , but I'll do my best to forget you.

I sat around all those days just wanting you back.

And while reality is bitter ,
It's also sweet.

I realized you probaly don't want to see my face ,
Ever again.

But I know I deserve someone who won't hurt me like this.


Yes , I'll always think you're the most amazing and perfect person ever.
And I'll always love you with all my heart ..

But I'm learning to let go.

-it won't be easy. but I'll do my best

Forever's never seemed so long.

Forget your scars , we'll forget mine.

I hope you know ,
My love for you ,
Is tied together by time.

By knowing that ,
You should realize it'll always be there <3.


-because in my heart , you'll always be mine c:

I'll love you either way.

I still haven't gotten a letter from you.
They also take awhile to get back and forth.
But hopefully I'll get one today <3.

I'm going insane waiting and hoping.


I'm worried and scared.


Just write back to tell me you love me ,
And to tell me you want me back.

-I need this. More than anything.

Days like this kill my sanity.

At this point ,
I've tried my absolute hardest to make this all better.

I wrote it all down.
Now there's nothing left but to wait.
I have to aquire patience ,
Or I'll never be the same again.

Everyday I miss you.
I'm always thinking of you.
And I'll always love you.

All of that makes this so much harder.

If I could just learn to let go ,
Maybe I would be alright ..

But I've tried.
It got me nowhere.

I could never be the same way with anyone but you.

And in the end ,
If you say no ..
At least I can say I put my best effort forth.

Everyone says you love me ,
And I know that.
But then they say that means you'll want to be with me again.
I know that's not true ..
I've seen so many people love each other ,
But it's too hard for them to be together.

-that was never us. we loved being together.

I can't handle this.

Every night I'm sad.
It's all the time really.

Because I can't stop missing you.
And I'll always love you <3.

I hope that you write back soon.

I'm losing it here.

-buona nutte.

Burn the evidence. Flee the scene.

Today is my first professional photo shoot.
It's with miss Helen Paj :)
We get to use her friends studio &
I'm super excited :D
I'm nervous as crap ,
But this is my dream so I have to get over it <3

Wish me luck c:

Hopefully this is the first of many photo shoots
And I hope it doesn't go too bad ^_^

Another beginning ?

I'm not exactly sure what you'll write back saying.

I fear the worst ;
You'll tell me you love me ,
But that this isn't for you anymore.
You'll say you care about me ,
But things aren't the same.
You'll say it's time to move on ,
Because you don't want me like you used to.


But there's this hope.


After all of this.
I know you'll always be my Harold.
And I shall forever be your Verona.
<3

You'll write back.
And you'll tell me how happy you are ,
Because you've been miserable without me.
You'll apologize , just as I did.
You'll tell me how much you love me.
And that you never want to lose me again.

Our love will be great again.
Possibly even greater than before.
That's not to say our love isn't amazing now.
It's always been one to envy.

I just can't stand going to sleep at night ,
And not being able to call you mine.

I sincerely miss those days.

Things haven't been the same since you left.
I've been a wreck , a mess.
You always knew just how I was &
You always stood by my side.
We could get through anything.
We refused to let go.
Our hearts knew just what we had.
Each other <3.

-please be mine again.

Harold & Verona.

Dearest lovers ,
You shall be together again one day.
I can feel it in my heart.
It was always meant to be ,
From the very beginning.

We were so perfect together.
I believe that's because you're the one for me.
And I'm the one for you <3

I can't bring my heart to beat for anyone but you.
I couldn't.
I wouldn't.

I promised you forever ,
There's not a day that I didn't mean it.

You'd always put yourself down ,
With thoughts of " it's too good to be true "

Please just be mine again.
Just come back to me.
And I'll show you , there's no greater love.
Than the love I have for you.

-please still love me ..

Safe is just a shadow.

Every day and every morning.
It's always the same.
I wake up and I feel nothing but heartache

It's really hard to say I feel anything.
Because there's always this burning feeling of empty.
How can I feel such nothingness ,
And still feel everything else.

I never for a second imagined I'd be without you.
Be now that I am ,
I can't handle it.

EVERYTHING.
REMINDS.
ME.
OF.
YOU.

Why wouldn't it ?
We had so many months together <3

So now , all I do is try my best to hold myself together.

I'd rather have died than to have you given up on me.

Each memory hurts ,
Because I feel there's no more for us.

Just promise me one thing ,
If you really love me - come back to me.
I need you more than you'll ever know <3

-because I love you.
I always will.

I thought I liked you alot.

And that's where I was wrong.

We kissed , There were no sparks.
How sad.

You touched my face ,
I remembered him.

You smelled of some scent ,
That only brought back memories of how much I loved his <3

We said goodbye.

I realized everything then.
You're not for me.

I want him back more than anything.
But at the same time , I want something better.

Mostly I just want him back <3

I apologize for misleading you ..

Time makes it hard to breathe ..

Memories of you haunt me.
Each day and every night.
Sometimes I feel like I'm alright.
I think I can do this.
But then it all rushes back.
It breaks me from the inside out.
The more I try to forget you ,
The harder it gets.
I am never to sure how to handle it.
I cry , I write.
Nothing helps.
Everyday and night is the exact same.
I am constantly consumed ,
By what we used to be.
Sometimes I feel as though ,
It was my easy breath of happiness.
Now it's all swallowing me.
As if I did something wrong.
Please don't tell me I let you down too.

I try to make things better with you.

- but I don't think you love me anymore

I can't do this anymore ..

All I do is sit here.
And think about everything that used to be right ,
That is now gone.
It's really hard to wrap my mind around it sometimes

We thought we could get through anything.
Everything.

Look how wrong we were.

I don't even care anymore.
I just want to forget it all.

So please stay out of my dreams.

And I'll do my best to forget you.

Where to go from here ..

I've lost all touch with sanity , it seems.
I used to have things figured out.
Well at least a little.
I used to know who I wanted.
That's never been a thing I've been able to decide on.
Then I found love , and it ran away after a good "go".
Now I seem to be back where i started.
My emotions are always spinning out of control.
Here and there ..
None of it makes sense anymore.
All I've ever wanted , was a place to call my own.
Well , someone.
But I'm far from deserving that.
Or anything at all that happens to be close to it.
I used to be able to just let go of things.
For some reason , I can't seem to this time.
I think I'll just be alone for awhile.
It leaves everyone else better off.
After all , I'm not really being too fair to anyone.
The day my love ranaway , was the day I lost my sanity.
We were never too good of friends anyways I suppose.

The one that I adore c:

He's my July.
I love his summer.

I gave him my heart ,
And ever since then ..
I knew I could never be anyone elses.

It only took two weeks to realize I loved him.
And ever since then ,
I haven't stopped for one second.

It's such an amazing feeling.
But it'll be so sad if it's just thrown away.


Don't let our worst get the best of us.

I miss you , ya know (:

I'm still here waiting for you.
I have been all along.

-please come back to me &
Love me even more than you did before <3

I don't know what happened ..

You came out of the most nowhere spot possible.
I still can't believe it.
To me , you're much too good to be mine.
I'm the messiest of all possible messes ,
And as much as I like the thought of us ,
I can make you my first promise ;
I'm not the one you want. I'll only disappoint you.
That could never be more true , especially at a time like this.
I'm trying to pull myself back together ,
But I don't see it happening anytime soon ,
Possibly ever.
Some things break , and they don't get fixed.
It's sad , but true.
But the thing is ..
I haven't smiled in forever.
Not a genuine one anyways

Well then you came along <3
there's so many ways for this to turn out ,
Let's see how it goes .. :)

Time for my game face , I assume.

Some days are harder than most.
But I can do this.
At least , that's what I tell myself.
I have to get through this.
Because in the end , it'll make me stronger <3
I just get so lost sometimes.
I don't know whether I should miss you.
Or if I should just forget your name.
I gave you my all , until I had nothing left.
That took alot on my part ,
But it seems as though it wasn't enough for you.

-it helps me along , once I've realized I deserve so much better <3

I never imagined .

It breaks me. Nothing turned out how it was supposed to. I mean , this is what I wanted. It just gets really hard sometimes. Only when I'm alone. It all comes rushing back. Everything <- I miss it. Well honestly , I miss how we were. Then you changed. Or rather , you showed me who you really are. Guess they weren't lieing when they assumed love will make us blind. In my offense , I gave you my all .. Until I had nothing left. And you just gave it all away. You're acting just like he did all those months before us. You won't find a solution in following his actions. But , I know in your heart , you saw how much he hurt me by doing what he did. So you saw it as an opportunity. To hurt me as much as you possibly could. Everyday , I feel like you're stabbing me in the heart. And you're not even here. This distance between us , has never hurt me so much